XXII.2

social media expectations vs reality. i do not compare myself to social media influencers or any type of celebrity because i know my own life. how many times did you post a photo or make a cute little reel, but you literally felt like you were dying inside? for reference, my grandmother has been terribly sick these past couple of weeks, and i lost my job and not working for the past couple of months. being home, i've had to witness that firsthand. which all included me crying myself to sleep, avoiding being home, shutting myself out from my family, and simply just feeling a never-ending heart-wrenching pain because i was watching someone i beyond love lose all their memory of me. 

well, the only thing i haven't been avoiding during that time is social media. i have not stopped getting cute, attending my friends' bbqs and hangouts, or going on date nights. lols.

my cousin, whom i often have fallouts with, reached out to me this week and was upset. it was 100% justified. she messaged me about going to brunch to talk about our conflicts and asked for an update on how our grandmother was feeling. i simply never responded. i was out with my friends on social media, looking like i was having a jolly old time, which i best believe i was. but it is a little more complicated than that. 

as a girl, we never really have to spend much of any money, to be quite honest with you. so, as my friends invited me out, everything i went to was free, and then i spent the night at my friend's house. we stayed the following day, cooked, and watched tv. however, through the eyes of social media, i was buying bottles of azul and eating gourmet meals, looking happier than ever, all while not responding back to her message. monday came along now, and she explained that she was agitated that i had yet to respond to her message. we talk it out, and she proceeds to plan something for wednesday. however, i was hesitant and expressed many complaints. i never said we weren't going. 

social media expectations vs reality. i do not compare myself to social media influencers or any type of celebrity because i know my own life. how many times did you post a photo or make a cute little reel, but you literally felt like you were dying inside? for reference, my grandmother has been terribly sick these past couple of weeks, and i lost my job and not working for the past couple of months. being home, i've had to witness that firsthand. which all included me crying myself to sleep, avoiding being home, shutting myself out from my family, and simply just feeling a never-ending heart-wrenching pain because i was watching someone i beyond love lose all their memory of me. 

forward to wednesday, she is still dead set on us going, and i just wanted to rest. the reason i was running away all weekend was that i didn't want to be in the house with my decaying grandmother. i could leave because the home attendant and my aunt had come to spend the night. now it's wednesday, everyone is gone, and i have some work to catch up on. i explained all this to my cousin, and the only thing she understood is that she is not a priority in my life; i'm doing fine; look at my social media; i should be able to go to a luxurious brunch if i was able to budget for everything that was a part of my weekend.

lesson: you are either the advertiser or the consumer, but it is always necessary to switch 

this is an issue my cousin and i resolved and moved on from. however, i started to dwell on the different types of people in the world. the mind of an advertiser or a consumer. the advertiser produces the information; if they sell something, it's done well. and i am certainly an advertiser; i'm not posting my decaying grandmother or monthly budget plan. i am posting the superficial aspects of my life and making it look good. 

i understand how social media works. what's the point of posting my struggles? a couple of get wells, and i'll pray for you (9/10 they won't, and you don't even want everyone praying over you because whew), but what is this actually doing for me? i instead use this platform as a memory book of the good times to laugh and reflect on. however, the consumers are taking things literally. they are looking at fashion nova models wearing the dress not knowing there are clips behind her tailoring the size. so, in this case, my cousin is the consumer, and i'm the advertiser. i'm selling a dreamy life, and she's buying and thinking i'm faking my funk. so i asked her in the calm part of our heated argument: you know what's different between me and you? and, of course, she replied what? 

when i watch celebrities, influencers, or social media, i never take it for what it is. if i have a deeper thought about their life, then 9/10 is negative; if anything, i reflect on what really goes on between closed doors. one thing i know for sure is that we are all living in a sinner world. god is not making everyone else's life perfect and yours miserable. it's just not true. i explained to her that i am not lying to you; take the words out of my mouth, not what you see on social media. i understand that not everyone can be an "advertiser." someones  gotta buy what the people are selling. but i can tell you that when your "advertiser" gives you the cheat codes, believe and take them. and argument wise/simply being a cousin, i should've messaged back and been more communicative 100%. 

 when you scroll and see a bag haul or a cute relationship, remember that it was a good day—similar to you, who has good days. but when those cameras are off and the doors are closed, remember you're not the only one living in a sinner's world. not one person lives a perfect life, and everyone is going through their own tribulations. no one is walking through a battle god knows that person cannot endure. keep going. 

xxii,

 sierra

```