XXII.5

"Lost: the state of not knowing where you are and unsure where to go next. Keyword: unsure. There is a big difference between the two words, unsure and unable. Unable means you are incapable of finding your way back; you are in a place where the main feeling you possess is not being able to get up and move on to the next place. When we attribute the word lost to our current state of being, we are unsure, not unable. I have been lost for the past couple of months, to be honest. And it's no one's fault but mine.

When you understand my pattern, I am relatively stupid regarding certain things, have a terrible memory, and am considerably stubborn, ranging from days that end in a Y. However, I've never been delusional. My quality of life definitely took a turn. I lost some friends and my job, and I'm dealing with the weight of losing some family members. I considered myself lost. I was in a new place I'd never been before, with no Google Maps telling me where to go next. I have never been so unsure.

 Lesson: You will always either be lost or stuck. Choose lost.

You will always be unsure. Do you think Steve Jobs wasn't unsure about starting his company? Weren't you unsure about whether you could ever get the job and if you got it? 

Weren't you unsure that you will ever get the chance to become a mother and then give birth to your rainbow baby? (Congratulations) It is natural. We are humans; we will never have it all figured out altogether. You can stutter in the interview and get the job. You will never be perfect. I'm coaching myself these times to understand this.

This should be base-level knowledge, but it's hard to understand amidst the chaos. Let me dumb it down. No one knows what they are doing. Not the 22-year-old dropout, not the 35-year-old surgeon. Shit happens, anyone's circumstances can change within a split second. It is so easy to plan. I can go on Canva right now and make a 3-year plan in bubble letters with a sparkly background. Unfortunately, that means nothing. It means nothing until I make mistakes, fall, scrape my knee, put a bandaid on, and try again. The only plan I have for myself is to live in my truth.

Of course, there are realistic aspects, such as base levels. You always need to ensure your finances and health are together, but if you have some lead, let's say, quit your job and be lost for a while with some finances to fall back on. DO IT! You will never find your way if your biggest fear is getting lost. You will stay in the same place.

I don't know about you, but that freaks me out more than being lost for a little bit. You will always either be lost or stuck. Choose lost. No one is coming to give you a GPS with your final destination to your happiness. You will be unsure about the next step; take it anyway."

XXII,

Just a fu:)king lady